things i wish i could forget.i. "come back," i whispered between sobs, "come back to me," i tried to shake you out of it.things i wish i could forget. by illusively
you had this bewildered look in your eye, like i was a stranger, or maybe you were. maybe it was just the fucking whisky.
i could hardly decipher your slurred insults but i received "i don't love you" loud and clear.
that's when i fell into a lifeless pile on your couch, until you picked me up and carried me into your bed beside you. i was terrified to sleep next to a stranger but i knew the real you was in there somewhere, trapped inside of this monster. i could never abandon you, even if i had to go through hell first.
you came back in the morning and didn't remember anything. half of me held you so tightly because i didn't want you to go away again, and the other half wretched in fear.
that was the first time.
ii. i wanted to love and love and love you until you figured out how to love yourself
(not just pretend)
and then maybe one day there would be enough of you to love me too.
but you can
you are the ocean,"run away with me."you are the ocean, by illusively
"we don't have to run. i'll show you the way. just hold my hand."
- - -
have you ever loved someone so intensely that every part of you aches just to look at them?
your entire body literally shakes with want and fear and need
and there are a thousand thoughts pulsing through your restless mind
and every breath you take is like a sharp, heaving gulp of winter ocean,
you can hardly manage a faint trembling "hello".
- - -
i think if you touched me, i might break into a million pieces.
- - -
every time i close my eyes, i'm kissing your long eyelashes and curling into your chest,
and when i wake up,
i can hardly imagine it isn't real.
. it starts like thiswe've all heard the saying "one moment can change everything.". it starts like this by illusively
but you don't understand it - not entirely - until one day,
that moment happens.
- - -
have you ever looked into someones eyes
(someone you've surely never met before)
and swore, on everything that you are,
on everything that you've been and will ever be,
that you know them?
not know in the sense that you've heard of them before,
or that they remind you of some distant celebrity,
or vague fictional character.
in a greater sense, as though looking into their eyes is really more like
pulling back a velvet curtain and diving straight down into a crystalline ocean.
and not only seeing the light refracting along the movement of the waves,
but also every single organism that lies between you and the bottom of that infinite sea:
discerning each and every cell that puts them together,
until you've counted and recounted the millions - billions - of molecules that breathe them to life.
until you can feel every micros
shatter.i can feel your hands wrappedshatter. by illusively
around my throat, fingers closing
tighter, tighter, desperate,
as though my blood might pour
through your fingers like sand.
you are a reptile, a python
slowly constricting my ribcage
shattering my bones.
the colors of my bedroom are
meshing into a sad blend of
like a camera lens clouding with
keep going, darling -
this is the most passionate i've seen you in weeks.
maybe if you try hard enough,
will melt and solidify into glass
so you can shatter me
then watch yourself bleed.
ghost in her machine.i.ghost in her machine. by Dibujando
his inkblots look like dead bodies or
the diagrammes of sandcastles.
there is something painfully sterile about
the way she dreams in black and white
of rugged coastlines and breathing saltwater.
"go on," the doctor says, though she
hasn't said anything yet. she tells him
about how her one true love tastes like
mint, and he smiles and nods, nods and
smiles, pretends to note it on his clipboard.
she doesn't want to be labeled
as a system error.
she has always loved broken seashells
and mindless people wiped clean, like
magnetized hardware with blood pounding
through their cabled veins. she feels them
pulsing. wanting. ghosts in her machine.
once she dropped her digital camera in
the ocean and watched it spark and sputter.
she dreamt of a quiet world captured in a
some days she is the broken seashell
and she holds herself to her own ear to
better hear the ocean tremble. some days
she is torn apart by sharks and machines
while bystanders on shore ca